I went up to Cleveland last week to help celebrate our dad’s 87th birthday and spend time with my youngest brother. I hadn’t seen him in almost 8 years since our mom passed.
Dad is still standing. Takes 1 pill a day for anxiety, needs a hearing aid, can’t see out of one eye, lost his partial dentures, has moderate dementia…but has not lost his sense of humor. He has no filter. And his favorite response to things that don’t impress him much is “Holy Maria!”
We celebrated by going to Nino’s Italian restaurant with another brother and his wife. The Clams Amore were to die for!
Dad enjoyed his Chianti!
After dinner, we drove back to dad’s house where we salivated over chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream.
My brother Mike has come a long way. He has lived independently in Phoenix for 10 years. He was overcome mental, emotional and physical challenges. He lost 200 pounds this past year. He does 1400 stomach crunches daily, does his 2-mile power walk every morning and drinks a gallon of water once a day. He puts me to shame!
One of Mike’s tasks on this visit was to clean out his room, suspecting this might be the last chance to see the house. He also needed to see mom’s grave marker to finish his grieving. My sister-in-law was an angel as she patiently and firmly encouraged Mike to “un-pack rat” his old room.
Mike let go of years of memories with his collections and hobbies. He came to realize that most of it was no longer important.
We made a visit to the cemetery the day before Mother’s Day. The visit was cathartic, especially so for Mike. He sobbed and caressed the marker for a long time, finally finding some peace with the loss of mom, after having needlessly blamed himself for her passing.
Dad’s side will be on the left side of the plot. I kidded him that I would leave some beer on his side. He said to make it a bar!
Brother Tim was steady throughout the visit as well. He helped me fly our younger brother in to town for his unfinished business. Like Angel, he was firm, yet supportive of Mike as he struggled with the letting go.
Dad definitely relished our visit. One brother in Atlanta had other plans and could not be with us. Sadly, another brother who lived a mile away did not join us. Families can be so strange! Dad was fond of Scooter, my miniature dachshund. He took him out regularly to the back yard to do his business, but I suspect it was Scooter who dragged him out!
I never thought that my youngest brother would inspire me so much. And, I have to admit that I appreciate my dad so much more after years of being angry about his failings. Maybe that’s how the story needed to turn out. And I find myself being more like him as I age!
I wonder if this was our last partial family reunion!
Mom, Happy Mother’s Day! We miss you!!!
epicrambler 